It’s ironic how I was scheduled to work yesterday and he wanted to work too but our Charge Nurse didn’t get back to him. Now that it’s his time to work (which is today), I scheduled myself to work too but I got cancelled last minute.

I always tell him how maybe we’re meant to be co-workers but not meant to work together. *le sigh

Anyway, I just brought food to the ICU and got to spend time with him on his break while making sure the seniority won’t notice a thing. It gets harder. We’re not even anything but why are we trying to hide it from everybody?

Well, except for our common friends.

It was 2 days before my 22nd birthday, a sunny afternoon at Robert Burns Park, when I had one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. I had to end everything with him when there wasn’t even anything to begin with.

We agreed to keep our relationship just as plain friends and in the future, if fate lets us fall for one another, then so it be. I didn’t have much choice. I really liked him. A lot. But if I favored my broken heart over him, there wouldn’t be anything left for the two of us.

Those 5 months, everything was platonic. We would still go out alone and talk on the phone for hours as if nothing happened but deep inside, I know, that’s how our relationship will always be. At the end of every meet up though, I would notice him hugging me tighter and takes him longer to let go. Somehow, a part of me hoped he still liked me the way he did before.

And in those 5 months, I noticed too our fights lessened. Usually, we would make a big deal out of the smallest things but this time, everything was compromised. And I’ve never been this happy with our friendship. We would fight for it not because we needed one another, but because we both know our relationship was worth fighting for.

Now, I just don’t know what happened. It felt like everything went back to the way they were before. But this time, I learned my lesson and told myself that I’ll never fall for it. Ever.

I still like him. I really do, but praying always that if these feelings are not from Him, might as well take it away.

It’s always a surprise how we never run out of things to talk about. Always.

We spent almost 3 hours on the phone today just catching up on everything. Our average phone call (on a good night) is 2 hours - the longest we had was 5 hours. When he used to work on day shifts before, it would always be an hour-long because he takes a lot of breaks and then 30-40 minutes when I have my break at work.

I admit of us not talking that much anymore but it seems like nothing has changed. We always talk about the same stuffs and it ends up my day on a good note. I hope it’s the same with him too.